Showing posts with label private musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label private musings. Show all posts

5.09.2010

FOR OUR LITTLE FAMILY

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"If we desire more faith, we must be more obedient. When we teach our children by example or precept to be casual or situational in obeying God's commandments, we prevent them from receiving this vital spiritual gift. Faith requires an attitude of exact obedience, even in the small and simple things."


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--Kevin Pearson
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4.06.2010

HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?

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Isn't this poster great? I have it hanging in my classroom.
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At the present moment, I feel:
exhausted
depressed
shy
frustrated
anxious
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Wow. I should have picked a different day to post this. I sound like such a downer. It seems to stem from everything that isn't "home" right now. All I want in the world are navy blue sweat pants, leftover Easter Cake, and my man. Let's just say, Spring Break should have been another day.
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But don't worry--It'll probably change in a few hours. That's one of the joys of being a woman. My moods rise and fall with the tide, my friends.
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Anyway...How 'bout you?
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3.09.2010

THOUGHTS

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I'm feeling...emotional tonight. I don't even know if that's the right word. Pensive maybe? Thoughtful? Sober? Solemn? Withdrawn? Contemplative? Take your pick.
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Not about anything in particular. More accurately, I am feeling this way about a whole lot of things all at once. I've mentioned before, that making lists helps my sanity, so here's one now to help you (and me) understand what I mean:
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1. I hate being shy. I've fought against it my entire life, and believe it or not, I've made significant progress. However, it continues to frustrate me on a a daily basis. For example, why can't I have a natural, casual conversation without being a big, awkward boob? I want to be smiley and flirtatious and funny and pleasant! How does everyone else do it so naturally? I don't want to be overlooked, considered incompetent, or considered a snob, just because I can't think of something to say at the spur of the moment! Some days are worse than others, of course. Tonight, however...was just one of those 'worse than others' is all.
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2. New callings suck. Of course, I'm happy to serve and all that jazz...but why can't I just skip the scary, confusing, trying-to-figure-out-what-the-heck-I'm supposed-to-be-doing part and get directly to the confidently-building-up-Zion-in-my-own-little-way? I like to think of myself as capable and clever, in general. But, I currently feel paralyzed by fear and inexperience...a stupid schmuck.
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3. I love Andrew. At the risk of sounding prosaic, why did the Lord see fit to bless me with such a fine companion? With so many marriages around me fraught with unhappiness and strife, distrust and selfishness, it just doesn't seem fair.
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4. We had the most horribly, depressing faculty meeting about safety and emergency preparedness. In small groups, we were forced to live through awful scenarios of disaster and violence, earthquakes and school shootings, all in hopes of preparing our little school for the possibility of such an event. The scenarios illustrated panic, terror, and students and teachers dieing in gruesome ways...and in many cases, without a thing in the world we could do to prevent it. I realize this was all make-believe. However, it really affected me. To sit there, imagining it happening to people I associate with everyday, made it personal in a way that I can't even explain. It just made me sick. Hours later, I had to sit on my bed, crying my heart out in order to feel normal again. Because quite honestly, if it came right down to it, I would sacrifice my life for those 22 snots of mine.
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That's all, I guess. Goodnight.
Hopefully this mood will be gone in the morning.
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2.21.2010

IN LOVING MEMORY

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Chloe Hazel Blevins
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Our hearts ache for our dear friends, Ethan and Katrina, whose little angel passed away yesterday, unexpectedly. We know her sweet spirit is very much alive with her Father in Heaven.
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*Even if you don't know them, would you mind
sending a little prayer of comfort their way?
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2.12.2010

BALD AT 24.

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*not my picture
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I don't have kids...technically.
Figuratively speaking, however, I have
22 eight-year-olds of my very own.
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I love them to pieces.
This does not mean that they don't, very often,
drive me completely zany.
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I have:
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my incessant shouter
my continuous supplier of interesting facts (guess what!)
my story teller (often untrue)
my daily homework forgetter
my "my dog chewed-up my homework" excuse teller
{no joke. she's probably used this excuse 3 times now.}
my perfectionist
my slowpoke
my complainer
my crier
my competitive twin brothers
my frequent pee-er
my nose picker--okay, make that plural
my slurpy sniffler
my obsessive song singer
my daydreamer
my can't-sit-still-to-save-his-life-er
my pencil tapper
my mini socialite
my forgot-to-take-her-medication-today-er
my interrupter
my complete slob
my drama queen
my karate-chop kid
my bossy project manager
and my little tattle tale
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I often hear of mothers who get sick of hearing:
"mom?"
Mom?
"Mother?"
"Mommy?
"MOOOMMMM?!"
all day long.
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Imagine the insanity of hearing:
"Mrs. Ashmore?!"
Mrs. Ashmore?
Mrs. Ashmore??
from 22 kids at once, for eight hours straight.
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I may have more than once declared:
"WE ARE NOW GOING TO HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE IN HONOR OF MY SANITY!"
(The kids then giggle silently and watch the clock...while I gather my wits.)
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Or:
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"If ONE MORE STUDENT calls my name without raising their hand, I am going to go insane, rip out all of my hair, and you will have to live with a BALD teacher for the rest of the year!"
(The kids laugh at my silliness, but oh-so-importantly, remember to raise their hand to get my attention.)
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I, also, often hear of parents who love to watch their child sleep peacefully after spending a noisy, chaotic day chasing after them. As a third grade teacher, this sacred time for me is silent reading time. I LOVE Silent Reading Time. The plan is to use this time to catch up on the million and a half things that always have to get done (grading, planning, filing, straightening, creating, e-mailing, copying, etc.) while they are engrossed at their desks.
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I've found myself, on more than one occasion, however,
simply sitting...and observing...my little ones read.
They are so entertaining to watch!
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Reading something intense?
Their brows furrow in earnestness.
Reading something funny?
Their faces break into an involuntary grin.
How about something surprising?
I've seen eyes widen and mouths drop in astonishment.
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The warmth in my heart that these few minutes affords, reinvigorates my drooping levels of energy, patience, and joy in the chaos. The fifteenth and sixteenth fact about deep sea creatures? Asking them, yet again, to wait their turn and refrain from interrupting? The third nose picker this morning, I'll send to the sink to wash his hands?BRING IT ON. It is really, all just so much fun. I've just been reminded why I love this job. Maybe, I'll get to keep this hair of mine, after all.
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1.29.2010

THOUGHT OF THE DAY

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Andrew and I attend church in the Hinckley building on campus. I found the quote below, on the door of a professor's office. It got me thinking about how polite society tends to encourage downplaying our personal strengths...especially when we're being recognized for them. For example, how many times have we been given a compliment only to argue with the giver over its validity? But after reading this quote, I'm pondering the art of balancing self efficacy with arrogant pride. It seems like such a fine line.

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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

--Marianne Williamson
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I was curious about who Marianne Williamson is. After some research, I found she was a woman pastor of a "New Thought" church. Basically, she believed God to be a "force"-- a love that flows in and through everything--rather than an actual being. Also, Jesus Christ is not the literal Son of God or Savior of the world, but an enlightened teacher who was able to successfully tap into this "force". From what I could gather, they believe that prayer is more of a positive thinking thing then a talking-to-a-concrete-father-in-Heaven thing. They're also real big on natural healing through the mind. She has since moved on from this church to put her energy into a successful self-help book business.

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In Dec. 2003, Time Magazine is quoted as saying:

"Yoga, the Cabala, and Marianne Williamson have been taken
up by those seeking a relationship with God that is not strictly tethered to
Christianity.
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I think it's funny that TIME probably meant for a belief in God without obligation or accountability to sound like a positive indication. But doesn't that make it sound so...unsubstantial? Worldly? Ridiculous? I don't know. Basically, I've come to the conclusion that she's the epitome of a, "philosophies of men mingled with scripture," kind of thing. And with that said, I still like the quote. I guess, I just was hoping for your thoughts. I mean, I "play small" all the time around others, just because it's comfortable and safe. But is it necessarily right?

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1.18.2010

BLACK OUT

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Back in December, southeast Idaho had a few significant power outages. The first one happened about 7 in the evening while we were relaxing on the living room floor.
*Andrew took this picture a few months ago.



At first, it was a fun adventure, pulling out our candles and peeking out of our windows at the black neighborhood. But after we found that we weren't getting cell phone service, and we didn't have an Internet connection either, I began to get kinda...nervous. It was an odd, lonely sort of feeling being disconnected from everything, sitting there in the dark. I knew that most likely, everything was going to be fine, and the power would return very soon. But what if it wasn't? Were we prepared?



We stayed distracted by curling ribbons on the Christmas presents for my students. We found that even this simple task to be frustrating though in the small glow of just a few candles. When that was finished, Andrew resorted to burning stuff, while I experimented with my camera in the unique lighting. But soon enough...we were bored. It was still too early to go to bed, so we decided instead, to take a drive.
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What a creepy sensation it was to drive by stores completely dark, still traffic lights, and cops closing up the Wal-Mart. There was an exceptionally stark contrast, because we had grown accustomed to Christmas lights twinkling on most stores and houses in town. Our first instinct was to check on the temple. Was it dark too? For some reason, the thought was unsettling. I haven't yet been able to formulate into words why that would be. However, my uneasiness about the power outage wasn't soothed, until we could look up and get a clear view of the temple still glowing on the hill. Backup generators we assume. I thought it interesting, that the entire population of Rexburg seemed to have the same idea. It took us ten whole minutes to turn left at the insignificant stop sign next to the temple. All we could see from up there were long lines of tail lights down where our little glowing city should have been.
*Also one of Andrew's pictures.



By the time we woke up for work the next morning, the power had returned and everything was back to normal. But this simple, silly experience got me reevaluating. If this had lasted for several days, or something truly serious or scary was causing it all, would we have been prepared? Also, it's kind of amazing how dependent we are on electricity for everything.

For example:

*It is the middle of winter in Rexburg, Idaho. If you weren't aware...it's cold here. Would we be able to stay warm? Would it be enough to remain bundled up in bed? We don't have a fireplace. Are there space heaters and such that don't require electricity?

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*What if we needed to buy something? The stores would be closed. If something was opened, I wouldn't be able to use my debit card, something I am heavily dependent on. I should probably have cash with me at all times just in case.

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*Would the gas stations be open? What if we needed to get somewhere far from here for safety sake? I try to keep my gas tank at least half full at all times in case of such an emergency...but if I was being honest, I've seen that little yellow warning light come on many a time before remembering to turn into the gas station.

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*As far as cooking goes, we would have been okay, because we have a little camping stove. But I found my mind going over the canned goods in our cold storage with a cringe. I couldn't bring myself to open the fridge for fear of letting the cold air out and allowing everything else to spoil over night. Plus, we were due for a shopping trip and in need of breads, milk, eggs, and boxed snacks. If the power outage had lasted another day, we may have been eating Spaghettios, croutons, and chow mien noodles for dinner. I'm being slightly facetious here, but without the help of an oven, fridge, or microwave, our options for a balanced meal were severely limited.

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*We have several candles and flashlights readily available. However, we found that this wasn't nearly enough light to read, play games, or cook for any significant amount of time. It just got frustrating. I found myself wishing we had a good lantern to light up an entire room with at once.

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* Did we have enough clean underwear and socks to last us for a week-long outage? The thought of scrubbing all our laundry by hand made me very grateful to be a woman living in the 21st century, let me tell you. Wouldn't you agree that the washing machine is a glorious invention?

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* I am most definitely not one to be labeled as a cell phone junkie. Quite honestly, I'm not a big fan at all of talking on the phone just for the sake of talking on the phone. But, being without it for an evening brought to my attention what a blessing all this technology is! We can stay connected with everyone no matter the distance. Without it, our family way out in Arizona...might as well be living in Narnia.

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Anyway, the whole thing just got me thinkin'...

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12.19.2009

RACHEL'S FAVORITE THINGS


I love to make lists. Lists give me a sense of organization and power in a world of stress and worry. When there is a lot to be done or a lot to think about, my brain can't handle focusing on one thing at a time. It tries to solve all of the world's problems at once...and then bad things happen and nothing gets done (think along the lines of tantrums and full-blown meltdowns). Being a perfectionist probably doesn't help much either. As a result, I resort to writing lists for anything and everything that pop into my mind: groceries to buy, chores to accomplish/errands to run, students who need extra help, items to pack for a vacation, favorite baby names, Christmas gift ideas, things that annoy me, famous people I've met, life-changing books, recipes to try, things I'd like to learn more about, funny things my students say, and...I'll even admit, businesses in Southeast Idaho with names that sound dirty (you'd be surprised at how many there are...but I'll refrain from sharing that one).
Instead, I'll share my current list of favorite things--things that make Rachel Ashmore happy. If Oprah can do it, why can't I? I'll just humor myself into thinking people would even care without me having my own talk show, magazine, or a million dollar fortune. In no particular order...


1. Dinner Schedules
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While we're on the topic of lists, dinner schedules are among my favorite things. I don't mind cooking dinner so much...it's the having to come up with something every single night when I'm tired that drives me crazy. Especially when my husband's only help with the decision is to assure me that: "whatever you make is fine, dear." Too many of these nights turn in to popcorn and cereal for dinner...simply because I don't want to have to come up with anything else. This list is a lifesaver. I spend 10 minutes jotting down a schedule 1-2 weeks in advance, and then I'm set. Dinner time is relatively stress free! I also find I'm wiser with the food we have and ingredients are less likely to spoil before I remember to use them.




2. Settlers of Catan

I love, love it! I apologize to any friends of ours who feel that we're social only to play with your game. It's only partly true.




3. Colorful Socks

Wearing colorful, fun socks, even with tennis shoes and jeans (or black dress pants for that matter) over top of them, can make my day so happy. If you ever see me looking especially chipper...ask to see my socks.




4. Dimples

More specifically, Andrew's dimples. All I have to say is: if Andrew doesn't pass those adorable genes on to our children, he's going to be in big trouble, Mr.






5. Bath and Body Works Hand Soap

Transforms any hand washing experience into a heavenly walk through an apple orchard. But I can't justify spending 5 bucks for a little bottle of this stuff when I can get a gallon of hand soap for 99 cents at Sam's Club. Oh well. I guess you now know what I'd spend my sweepstakes winnings on.





6. Tumbleweeds

It's kinda hard to explain. For some reason, one of these rolling down the street make me grin from ear to ear. They are so funny to me! I guess it just seems like something you'd only see in cartoons and old Westerns.




7. Blogging

It combines so many things that make me happy. I enjoy writing, journaling, scrapbooking, taking pictures, and staying in contact with friends and family. (And yes, I may have told people once or twice just to look at my blog rather than just telling them about something.)



8. Musicals

I'm one of those who actually like it when characters in a story randomly break out into song and dance. Andrew and I do it in real life all the time (definitely recommend that). When Maria runs over the hills with her arms outstretched, or Elphaba rises in the air promising to fight the wizard with all her power, or Gene Kelley dances those tap shoes through the rain with such grace...I totally get goosebumps. There are a few exceptions however. Carousel and Showboat teach horrible lessons, and little ophan Annie singing "The sun'll come out tooo-morrowww!" makes me want to throw tomatoes...and explosive devices.

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9. Father of the Bride Movies

I am a huge movie watcher and would find it impossible to name just one favorite. However, these ones are close pretty close to the top. If you haven't seen these classics already, take my word for it and check 'em out. I like the 2nd one even better than the 1st. I've seen them at least 30 times and yet I still laugh out loud every time. Martin Short is a frickin' comic genius.




10. Books on Tape

I love to read and rarely have as much time for it as I would like. I'm also a multi-tasker who hates to waste time. To solve both of these problems, I frequent the public library where I can check out as many books on tape/CD as I want. Just by driving to work and home again and running a few errands a week, I have listened to countless books: Helen Keller's autobiography, The New Testament, probably 15 Junie B. Jones books, Shackletons's Antarctic Adventure, Cricket in Time's Square, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane, The History of Classical Music, Emma, and Stargirl just to name a few. I am currently in the middle of Little Women for the first time. (loving it!)

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11. Children's Chewable Vitamins

I struggle to swallow giant adult pills. I feel like they sit in my throat for days afterward. Chewable pills have been the answer. But honestly, why do they even have those giant horse pills for adults? Wouldn't everyone prefer fun-shaped, candy-tasting ones instead? (Don't you just love Andrew in the background trying to figure out why the heck I am taking pictures of my vitamin bottle?)




12. Red

My all-time favorite color. You wouldn't be able to tell from standing in my living room though.




13. Canning Jars

I have a whole set of them that I use as water glasses. They just make me feel happy and domestic...like we live in an old farmhouse or something.





14. Corner Pieces
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They're just the best. Crunchy, chewy goodness that can't be matched by any other pieces from the pan. Andrew was a genius and started making brownies in 2 small square pans instead of one large 9x11 pan. Twice as many corner pieces!! (BELOW: I plan to own one of these pans some day. Every single piece is an edge piece! What a glorious thought! Too bad there wouldn't be any pieces for Andrew.)




15. Run-less Nylons

Ladies, I don't know if you can relate, but I have the hardest time keeping my nylons "run free" for more than a few uses. It is so frustrating...especially here in Idaho where nylons are a necessity in these ridiculous winters. A brand new pair without a run spreading mercilessly down my leg just makes me feel "good all under."


Now, what silly things make your list of favorites?

11.04.2009

RELIGION

I have noticed that our blog is visited by people I don't know...even from all over the world. Andrew and I thought it would be good to include a blurb on the topic of our religion. We are Mormons. It is, I believe, the most important part of who I am. Many have heard of Mormonism, but don't know much about it. Let me explain the basics:


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2. The official name of the church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We are referred to as Mormons, Latter-Day Saints, or called simply LDS. We are Christians. The gospel is centered around Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice.



    3. The full gospel was lost from the earth with the death of the ancient apostles. The earth then went through an apostasy with only partial religious truths and no true priesthood authority from God.



4. The church was again restored to the earth in 1830 through Joseph Smith in upstate New York. God the Father and Jesus Christ appeared to the 14-year old boy as he knelt in prayer in a grove near his home. He was the first modern president of the church.


5. The priesthood, or the authority to act in God's name, was an important part of this restoration along with all saving ordinances. The church is set up as it was anciently with apostles and prophets. There is a current prophet and president of the church who acts as God's mouthpiece to the world: Thomas S. Monson.



6. Local congregations are run by unpaid volunteers. Both men and women serve in assigned leadership positions.


7. There are currently over 13 million members of the church worldwide in 176 countries.



8. We believe the Bible to be the word of God as long as it is translated correctly. We also believe The Book of Mormon to be the word of God.



The Book of Mormon is another testament of Christ's ministry. A family in Jerusalem was warned by God to escape the wicked city before Babylon conquered it and took its inhabitants captive. This family was led to the Americas and became a great civilization. After His crucifixion, the Savior spoke to the Jews saying:


"And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I
must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one
fold, and one shepherd."

John 10:16

He was speaking of these inhabitants in the Americas. As a resurrected being, Christ appeared to this people and organized a church in the same manner as in the Old World. The Book of Mormon is a record of this event as well as words of ancient American prophets.



My Testimony:

The Restoration, The Book of Mormon, and modern day revelation makes sense to me. Not only does it seem logical, but I have felt the spirit of the Lord tell me with no uncertainty, that these things are right and true. Of course, God is as aware of His children on earth, as He was in ancient days! Why would He close the heavens? It makes sense that we would have a prophet and apostles, miracles, and angelic visitations just as there were thousands of years ago. I have personally felt the Lord answering my prayers, guiding my life, and strengthening me during painful times. I have read the Book of Mormon and as a result of its continued study, I am happier. I feel anchored even in troubled times. I love that the church's doctrine does not change with the ever deteriorating values of the world in order to "fit in" or "keep up with the times". It cannot compromise with the latest trends to be popular. Truth remains constant! Joseph Smith was a prophet--an instrument in the hands of God to restore His church. I know this is true without a doubt. And most importantly, I know that Jesus Christ is our literal Savior whose atonement and love for us is very real. This is my testimony in Jesus' name, Amen.


This only skims the surface, but I just wanted to give the basics. If you have questions, please ask!


9.22.2009

IRON MAN



http://ironmanjace.blogspot.com/

A first grader at the school that I work at was just diagnosed with
Leukemia the first week of the new school year. His mom set up this blog to keep everyone posted as he begins treatment. Personally, I despise the blog. It makes me cry every time I look at it, and I hate getting all emotional (my least favorite movie on the entire planet is Charly). It doesn't help that Jace's mother seems to have a gift for writing. But with that said, go check out the blog. It is updated regularly. Just be sure to read it with a box of Kleenex.


Also:

1. Here is a link to the local news coverage about the Pep Rally our school held in Jace's honor.

http://www.localnews8.com/global/story.asp?s=11152971#


2. A support fund has been established at Beehive Federal Credit Union in Rexburg and Idaho Falls. Just ask for the ‘Jace Leatham Fund' to make a donation.



8.29.2009

BACK TO SCHOOL


Well, school is back in session. It took the entire summer to recover from last year (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually), so I feel I have been dragging myself back to work every day. Don't get me wrong...teaching is a blast...it's just that the first year was EXHAUSTING. Fortunately, after the first week of school this year, I am already feeling SO relaxed and confident. Plus, I've set some goals for myself to keep me from getting too burned out again. Next time you see me you should ask me how they're going:

1. I will NEVER, EVER stay at the school working past 5pm again (unless it is before the class play or report cards or parent teacher conferences.), something I did just about every night last year.
2. I am to do everything in my power to keep teaching from consuming every aspect of my life. It takes so much effort to STOP THINKING about work once I am home, but I am determined to do it. For my sanity I must take time off to focus my attention on my home, my husband, religion, and being social.
3. There is a co-worker that hates my guts for reasons that she won't explain. It has been very stressful in the past, but this year I am not going to spend any time worrying and trying to please her. I will be kind and helpful in any way I can and then I will FORGET ABOUT IT. Let the chips fall where they may.

Now that I have that out of the way, let me just say that I am very excited for this new year. My class is packed with some of the cutest 8-year-olds you ever saw, and quite honestly, very few things make me feel more alive than teaching. Bring on the new year!


third day of school: Walking my kids down the hall at the end of the day when a BAT flew past my head. It crawled behind that shiny mirror thing in the background until it was caught in a bucket. The principal gave it to this kid. All I can say is he's got one lucky mother. ;)

5.10.2009

Tributes to our mothers


Rhonda, you make really cute babies...I'm sure glad.
(Look at those eyes!)

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You must have been a super mom in order to raise Andrew so super.
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Andrew says that he got his super strength from you...

Not surprised. Check out those guns! =)
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I can tell where he got all that personality too! =)


Happy Mother's Day! We're both grateful for you.

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I've always been told I look like her...that's just fine with me.

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I sure appreciate her dealing with my crap.
(I was an exceptionally bossy, strong-willed little snot...still working on that.)

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Cool shades, Mom! I'm guessing this was the early 90's??

Mom made for a very happy childhood. Even as a busy, single mother, she worked hard to give us all sorts of enriching experiences:
camping, vacations, museums, days at the park, planetariums, art, dance, and music lessons, plays, hikes...just to name a few. I remember her reading aloud to us often, sharing movies she loved, playing with us in the pool, and chaperoning us on field trips.
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Even more than all that, I remember the times we spent talking and laughing in the living room. We always had such a good time together.
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Mom is one of the few people I know without guile.
She's such a wise, cheerful, good-hearted woman.

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Ahhh, Look at us...aren't we a cute little family? Thanks mom. You did good.

4.06.2009

Photo Journal: Conference Weekend

Rachel and Andrew waiting in line...








...in slight discomfort.


His first time to Conference, Andrew checks out the magnitude of the structure.

Yep, it's big!


Waiting: Tabernacle Choir, Apostles, and Prophets!

Afterward: Look at all the people!


Spring-time walk around Temple Square




"The time has come for us to stand a little taller, to lift our eyes and stretch our minds to a greater comprehension and understanding of the grand millennial mission of this, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints...This cause will roll on in majesty and power to fill the earth."


--President Gordon B. Hinckley

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