KIDS TALK.

Assignment:
Character description. Who are they? What do they look like? What do they do? And what do they say?  
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I mentioned once that your child's teacher knows more about you then you might guess. Kid's talk...or in this case...kid's write. One student chose to describe his mother for this assignment. I laughed pretty hard at the image he painted of what his mom does all day...


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What...you can't read that handwriting? Really?

Fine. Let me translate:

"My mom lie's around a lot, watches TV, and eat's ice cream. She also eat's burritos."


Apparently, I need to teach another lesson on correct apostrophe usage. But besides that, funny right? 
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What would your kid say that you do all day? Hopefully it's not: 'lay around and eat burritos'. Ha!

CODE

As usual, I was running around my classroom like a crazy person, trying to multi-task an insane number of tasks at once--straightening, copying, grading, sharpening pencils, arranging bulletin board displays, filing, answering questions, keeping an eye on the clock, monitoring students, planning, e-mailing, and applying band-aids...when I hit a roadblock trying to enter a grade into the computer. 

Ha. Ha. Ha. Very amusing. Like I have a spare second to sit and figure out whose paper this belongs to! 

Though to be quite honest, without doing any sort of number figuring, I knew EXACTLY who it belonged to:

That gal whose "creativity" will soon be the cause of my first gray hair. 

*smile*

WARNING: R-Rated Post

I was alone in my classroom reading this from one of my new third graders and dying to share it with someone. This little gal made three very funny mistakes right on top of each other...each a little more shocking than the last. 

I often have to translate students' experimental spellings in my mind as I read. My thought process as I read this went something like: 


You are a nice teacher.
You are smart. 
You are cool. 
You are fun.

Aww. What a sweetie. 

Do you like...touching kids? 

Um, that's awkward. Does she mean hugging them maybe?

Do you like...whores?! 

WHAT the...?

Do you like to...ride whores??!

OH. MY. GOSH!


It was at this point that I dropped the letter and laughed out loud for a minute straight. I mean, obviously, she wasn't meaning to say those things. In case you are wondering, I'm pretty sure the correct translation is something more like:

Do you like TEACHING kids?
Do you like HORSES?
Do you like to ride HORSES?

Nonetheless, this is one letter I will be keeping forever.

TEACHER TUESDAY {skinned bunnies and beans}

{source}

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A student proudly brought a rabbit pellet to share with the class. One gal, running her hands over the soft fur, said:

"It's really sad, because you have to kill a bunny to get its fur."

A nearby boy said helpfully,"Well, you could just shave it."

I started laughing and tried to explain why this wouldn't work when my usually, clueless guy in the front suddenly sat up straight in his chair.

"Wait! Does shaving a bunny, kill it??"

It took several minutes to get the class back into control.

{source}

TWO.
I was focused on checking names for homework completion when a favorite little character of mine came up and asked, "Do you want to hear something kind of sad?"

My absent minded, "uh huh," was encouragement enough.

"Well," he began, sighing dramatically, "I sneezed into two cans of beans, so I had to eat them all by myself.
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Now I'm really gassy."

The checklist suddenly forgotten, I stared after him as he walked back to his desk. I never did come up with anything to say in response.

UNLUCKY IN LOVE

Flipping through old pictures, I found one I had taken of a student's limerick poem (written on a Dr. Seuss hat):

There once was a very nice buck.
He met a very nice duck.
He was mating,
The grass was fading
Then he had no luck.

I remember crouching next to his desk to edit the rough and having to re-read it several times. 
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"So...tell me more about what this poem is saying...who doesn't have any luck? What kind of luck doesn't he have...?" 
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No matter how I phrased my questions, I couldn't get him to really explain it satisfactorily. I don't think he really understood the ways in which this poem was just...awkward. And I couldn't ask the questions I really wanted answered without touching on taboo topics in a public elementary school. So I finally just checked spelling and grammar before sending him off to publish his final copy. 

Though I'm still wondering what his mother thinks of my poetry instruction...

ISSUES

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What my baby sister Aria, does for fun:






And posted by Dad on Facebook yesterday:

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"‎4-year old Aria spent some time in her bedroom and I found that her Teddy Bears were all tied up to chairs. I'm sure psychologically this is not a good thing..."

True that. True. That. =)

SWEET VALENTINE'S DAY

A sweet day, indeed.

I made chicken and dumplings for dinner... a recipe I've been wanting to try from HERE for a long time now. Definitely a new favorite for both of us.

Andrew quietly set the table and surprised me with the fancy...er...plastic goblets, fancy folded napkin art, candles, and a hidden ipod playing mushy background music.

Whether or not this was accompanied by smooches and slow dancing in the kitchen is not really any of your business.

geez.

For dessert, Andrew presented me with a giant frosted cookie.

I couldn't decide if I loved him for it or hated him for it.

Then, we got to open three {yummy}Valentine packages from family!

{Excited to try out this new book!}

And I had to share a favorite student-made Valentine:

The kissy couple on the sticker has been labeled: "Mrs. Ashmore" and "Mr. Ashmore." Ha!

TEACHING SCENE TUESDAY--dear scrooge,

The final day before Christmas vacation (a Monday), was going to be a total bust. And then I got a substitute to cover my class on top of that because Andrew and I wanted to celebrate graduation/anniversary in style. SO, my lesson plans basically consisted of watching holiday movies...one being A Muppet Christmas Carol. The kids wrote letters after the show and this one made me laugh out loud:

Dear Scrooge,

You were not very nice. We were glad the ghosts came to see you and help you be nice. That was nice of you to bring the turkey to Bob's family. That was sad you didn't get married but we hope you fall in love someday.

Love,

*Mary and Suzie

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent. =)

MELT MY HEART.

My baby sister wandered into the bathroom and climbed onto the toilet to watch me brush my teeth. After quickly losing interest, she clamored down to examine the bathroom scale. Andrew, who was sitting on the edge of the tub, brushing his own teeth, showed her how to step on and read the numbers.

My heart melted into a puddle on the floor when her weight was announced:

"Twenty-nine pounds."

holy cuteness.

TEACHING SCENE TUESDAY--cool kids

The number of children's books I own probably reaches the thousands. No exaggeration. It allows me to keep the class library well stocked and the books fresh and rotated through the year. 

But, of all those books that I have to offer, the most popular book...the one that never stays on the shelf more than a day...that has exchanged hands continually since September...and has undergone the most wear of any other...is all about how to be "cool" in the third grade. 
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They don't ever talk about it though. It rotates around the room quietly, as if in secret. 
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This strikes me as so...funny/precious/kinda pathetic. 
Who knew 8-year-olds had this dilemma so heavily on the brain?

JONAH AND THE WHALE

The story of Jonah from Corinth Baptist Church on Vimeo.


OH. MY. GOODNESS. You MUST watch this video! My Grandpa Brown e-mailed it to me, and I can't stop watching it. It is just about the cutest thing I have ever seen. NO JOKE! Her expression...her lisp...her confidence...and her big white bow... 


I DARE any of you to disagree. 

TEACHING SCENE TUESDAY--achin' for bacon

There is a student in my class who I love a lot. He is so weird and quirky and funny. He's the sweetest thing and makes me laugh on a daily basis. Recently, he quipped the following to me:

"Mrs. Ashmore, you know what we should do? At the end of the year, let's have a party with bacon ...because I like bacon. And cupcakes. Everyone likes cupcakes. Can we do that, Mrs. Ashmore?"

A few minutes later, I heard him exclaim to no one in particular, his head buried in his desk:

"That's where my mustache went!"

...And because I'm at a loss for a way to follow that, I'll just end now.

Until next time,

Mrs. Ashmore

THANKFUL THURSDAY--thankful tree

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Every year, our class writes what they are thankful for on construction paper leaves, and arranges them on our thankful tree. 


Of course there are the usual and expected:
I am thankful for...

• my family
• friends
• mom
• dad
• Mrs. Ashmore
• school

But being from a predominately LDS community, our tree also holds leaves that say: 

I am thankful for...

• the scriptures
• the temple
• Heavenly Father
• Jesus
• the church

And then there are the unique ones that remind why I just love these kids: 

I am thankful for...

• ME!
• A voice
• doughnuts
• milk and water
• flowers in my yard
• a birthday
• sports
• turkeys
• Pokemon cards

TEACHING SCENE TUESDAY--Romance

I overheard the following statements from a certain big-personality-endowed student of mine:

"Romance is disaster!" 
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"But apparently, you have to use it or you can't get married."




Oh, how I wish I had caught the entire conversation!

TEACHING SCENE TUESDAY--Roman Numerals

Third grade math.
I had just made a list of Roman numerals on the board.


"Those are the Super Bowl Numbers!" shouted one football-frenzied student from the back.

I concurred. But explained that is not where they came from nor is it all they are used for. I described the origin of Roman numerals and all the ways we use them today. Wrapping up my explanation, I thought I had been fairly clear, and was ready to move on.

That was, however, before a blonde gal from the front raised her hand to ask a very sincere question:

"So...do you mean like Ramen Noodles?"

Maybe we should start over...


 

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BOYS AND GIRLS

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It was recess time for the preschool class I taught during the summer. As usual, the kids exploded through the door to the playground with unrestrained joy.
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But soon, things calmed down. The boys clamored on to a miniature plastic jungle gym, lost in their world of mechanical, pyrotechnic sound effects. The girls, crawled under the slide whispering their secrets in privacy. Minutes later, however, the girls are bored and crawled out to look around. After a moment, one of them turned to the other and said:

Pretend that we are princesses and that we are best friends, okay?

The other agreed before declaring that they must now find themselves a prince.

Both of their eyes fell on the boys across the yard, who meanwhile, had become engrossed in an epic battle with an unseen enemy (sound effects included). The girls grasped hands, smoothed their hair, and walked together across the play yard. Looking up at their four-year-old classmate, one asked:

Prince? Which one of us do you want to marry?






The boys continued their mission without so much as a glance at the hopeful faces below.

Un-phased, the little girl with the golden curls, asked again:


Prince? Which on of us do you want to marry?


As if suddenly aware of the females, the little prince pondered them for an instant before pulling out his imaginary machine gun and showering them with bullets. The two-year-old boy, upon noticing their new enemies, joined his brother comrade in shouting:


BANG! BANG! BANG!


The girls faces fell.


I guess the prince doesn't want to marry either of us, one said.


Hmmph. Come on...let's go! stormed the other.

The girls stomped back to their play castle, and climbed to the top of the tallest tower. And then, as the boys celebrated their victory, the girls entertained themselves instead, by ad-libbing a ten-minute-long pop song that went something like:

"We didn't want that prince, anyy-waaay!"




Just another summer day with the toddler class. Entertaining as always.

EVERLASTING LIFE

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100% of my students are LDS. As a result, it makes for some very uniqe dynamics in my classroom. Fun comments like these are made almost daily.
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For this assignment, each student picked a topic to argue their opinion for. Most chose to argue the importance of video games, daily visits to Disneyland, or the legalization of Pokemon cards at school. But this young man chose to argue against swearing. From the sounds of it, he must listen well during primary. It warmed my heart.
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For those if you who don't read 3rd-grade handwriting-ese (of which I happen to be fluent in), here is the translation:
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I think that everybody should not swear. It will make you feel bad. You have a feeling you should not swear. It'll make you feel sick to your stomach.
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It makes you a mean person. No one will play with you. No people will want to talk to you.
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It might make you addicted to swearing. Everything you do you might get addicted. You will not have everlasting life.
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ELEMENTARY TABLOIDS

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1. I was standing at the door as students filed in after recess. A boy stopped to tell me about how he had scared a girl while she was jump roping. He enthusiastically described her reaction as:
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"The girl totally fruck out!"
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I thought it was a nice experiment with past tense.
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2. A student informed the class that his big sister was having a baby soon. Taking the tone of someone who knows what they're talking about, he said:
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"There's about a 90,000% chance of it being a boy...and a 5% chance that it's a girl."
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(Can you guess the gender he's rooting for?)
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3. This next kid tests my insanity with his distractedness. One day, in the middle of a discussion in math, this young man raised his hand and announced:
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"My mom's mom has 4 eyes on the back of her head."
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I'm not even joking. This was said with complete seriousness and with a look that showed he was preparing for us to be shocked and amazed. I think we were all shocked and amazed, just not in the manner he was intending.
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There was silence for about 5 seconds while I processed what I had just heard and got control of my bearings. Finally, I decided it was probably best just to ignore it. Turning away from him, I continued right on with our math discussion.
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4. I had just given the class some instructions, and they were busying themselves to accomplish the task. This same distracted kid, I found, however, to be wandering around the the opposite side of the classroom...doing only goodness knows what. When I reminded him of my instructions and asked him what he was doing, he sighed heavily and said:
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"Sorry, Mrs. Ashmore. I get sidetracked very good!"
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5. A student came up to me the moment he was off the bus.
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"Mrs. Ashmore! Did you know that mermaids are real?! They are! It's true!"
"What makes you say that?" I asked with a sigh.
"They found one! It floated up to shark level and a shark killed it. Then it came all the way up to the top and people on a boat found it!"
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(I stared at him for a moment.)
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"Okay," was my response.
(How else do you respond to that story when it's told with such excitement and surety?)
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6. Last year, we were having a class discussion about the presidential election. I was introducing the candidates and the concepts of political parties and platforms. I was just giving a very basic overview when a young lady raised her hand with a comment.
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"Barack Obama believes in...abominations." She said the last word hesitantly, as if she wasn't sure she had said it correctly. I was confused, so I asked what she meant by that.
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"He believes in killing babies."
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Her words suddenly became clear to me.
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"Oh, you mean abortion!
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(she nodded)
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"Yes...well...moving on!"
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I wasn't about to discuss that topic with a bunch of other people's 8 year-olds. But secretly, I had responded within myself:
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"Oh, that kind of abomination! Yes, you're right."
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I highly enjoyed her innocent, yet very fitting mix-up. =)
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RECESS

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. I instructed two students to raise the flag in front of the school. They raced to the pole while I watched from the play yard. After they had it hanging successfully over the building, they raced back to me--their faces plastered with large, goofy grins. They were so proud! The kids excitedly turned back to admire their handiwork.
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After several seconds, however, one of the student's shoulders suddenly drooped dramatically, his excited smile turning upside down in horrible disappointment. Surprised by his change in mood, I looked at him expectantly. Eyes still on the flag, he pouted:
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"The wind needs to be blowing! It would look so much better!"
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I did my best not to laugh at his affliction, as I gazed back up at the flag, that was indeed hanging as limp as a wet noodle.
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Just then, I heard one of my little freckle-covered guys, exclaim: "Mrs. Ashmore, They've got me!" I surveyed the group of 4th grade girls, grasping his jacket firmly, and all grinning at me mischievously.
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"So girls, what are you going to do with him now that you've caught him?"
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They simply giggled in unison, as they began to drag him in the opposite direction. "We're going to suck his blood," the smallest one stated matter-of-factly, her pigtails bouncing as she walked (oh dear. that one's mother must be a Twilight fan).
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"Well, be sure to have him back in time for class. "
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*Another chorus of giggles*
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"Mrs. Ashmore, Noooooo! "
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This was all I heard, as they disappeared across the field. I sighed and let them go. For some reason, I just had the feeling that my little guy would be more disappointed if I did put a stop to the torture.
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Never a dull moment.
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OH. MY. GOSH.

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I just read through yesterday's post, and I must apologize. I was annoyed with the whiny-ness myself by the time I was finished. So, in order to bring this blog around to a happier tone, I thought I would share this:

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Kids in my class typed on the computer today. The assignment? Answer the following question:

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"How can the country be improved? Write a letter to the president to share
your ideas."

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This little gal's response rendered me speechless.

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Do I have a little Paris Hilton in training, on my hands?

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